Prism Changes: A historic week when the title of this blog hits home.

"With your election, you validated my son. And I wanted to scream, why cant we just get validated for being human beings and being who we are. We need to make sure that it's OK to be who we are."  - Lupe Valdez, Sheriff Dallas,Texas

When I decided to start writing a blog again, I did so because I missed writing about things that simply resonated with me. Coming up with a name for this blog was a challenge because I didn't want pigeon-hole what I wrote about, thus Media through a Mom's Eyes was born. Last week the truth of that title hit home. In a week that gave us historic Supreme Court decisions in both marriage equality and the Voting Rights Act and a twitter explosion under the hash tag #StandWithWendy. I see the positive change happening independent of media spin and tasteless, rude and often anonymous retorts (I'm looking at you Governor Perry). I realized as I watched these events unfold that none had a direct effect on my life, yet it was crystal clear that they would impact the landscape of the world my daughter grows up in. In the 8 years since I became a parent my perspective has changed. I am still the same person with the same core beliefs I've had since my own childhood but my considerations have changed. I look at history now through a prism of how it will intersect with my daughter's ability to carve out a life of happiness for herself.

However, it wasn't until I sat down and watched HBO's new documentary The Out List, that the title of this blog truly came to life. For the first time I became cognizant of the fact that I was watching and absorbing something as a parent, not simply an individual in the world. I watched these brave men and women speak openly, harshly and honestly about their journeys in navigating fear anger and every emotion in between caused by a world that wasn't always accepting and often cruel.

Then it happened. I cried.

Knowing me that's not inherently surprising. Yet I was moved because I realized my tears were those of a parent, not a friend or a peer who has knows what it is to be discriminated against. I was just a parent seeing children who were treated as 'other' in some capacity for no reason other than living their truth and having the character to do so in corridors that were resistant to that level of honesty. As a parent my heart breaks a little every time I see my daughter mistreated or rejected by a peer. Instinct drives you to want to shelter and protect them from the evils that are in the world. You want to shield them from harmful words because experience has taught you that in fact words CAN hurt you right along side those sticks and stones. I cried knowing that there are those who would seek to deliberately hurt my child because she was different.

I cried for another reason as well.

I cried for the triumphant spirit of these individuals, most of whom spoke about 'traditional' families where they found love and support. That in the face of real hatred they were surrounded by acceptance in unexpected places. What struck me so profoundly in the storytelling of Janet Mock, Dustin Lance Black, Lupe Valdez and others was the fact that their connection and love within their families and extended communities is the well from which they drew strength. That validation gave them voice for those who might not have one or feel as though their voice is unheard.

As a parent, that is what I want most for my child. To help her grow into a confidant individual who gives voice to the things that she is passionate about and to not fear rejection of her ideas. I no longer look at the world and nod my head knowingly as a Hispanic female who has raised her voice in the desire to be heard. I look at the conversations happening in my community, in our country and on our airwaves as a parent wondering how it will impact my child and how it will influence her voice. That prism is how I filter my media now. It may not be a view through rose colored glasses, but it is a view of the world through a mom's eyes.

If Women Ruled the World or Why I love Game of Thrones

I'll admit it, I love a flawed character. Flawed characters are interesting, they have depth and complexity that the noble and pure do not. They reveal truths in ourselves and reflect the grey most of us live our lives in daily. I have been like this since my early days of TV/Movie going. As a child, before the Disney princesses were an international marketing sensation and social lightening rod Sleeping Beauty was my favorite 'princess film'. Not because Aurora was particularly compelling, but because Merriweather while a 'good fairy' exuded jealousy and a love of convenience that magic provided. She was sarcastic and good, she wanted things to go well but wasn't trying to be a martyr to ensure it. Basically, in my world Maleficent isn't evil, she is simply misunderstood. In modern day terms she's the girl who got picked last for kickball.

Fast forward 30 years.

Game of Thrones is arguably one of the most talked about television phenomena in the last decade. The show is epic in its scale, complex in the chess board of battling houses and it has enough sword play, gratuitous violence and sex to keep the Realm a very interesting place to spend an hour on Sunday nights. Plus, once they beheaded Ned Stark in season 1 all bets were off on who would live or die in a given episode.

With all of that, for me, the most compelling, addictive piece of Game of Thrones lies in the women of this show. From the matriarchs of House Stark and Lannister to the tenacious arrogance of Arya the women are the true engine that makes this show soar. Season 1 establishes this truth in the surface contrast that exists between Cersei Lannister and Catelyn Stark. At face value these women could not be more different - Catelyn loves her husband, her family fiercely and has a sense of pragmatism that makes her partnership with Ned Stark a union to be admired. Yet as soon as that conviction is tested we immediately see the cracks in her armor. Cersei on the other hand is balls to the wall ambitious, calculating and at best manipulative. She navigates Kings Landing like a puppet master, playing all angles to her own purpose. To watch the power of control slip through the fingers of both women is devastating in completely different ways. These two women share a critical common trait - their greatest strength is their greatest weakness - their love for their children. Game of Thrones is hot bed of moral corruption where the meek and the naïve are quickly trampled or used for deviant purpose. What I love is the women are equally culpable of this moral ambiguity. They are not pawns for sacrifice in the quest for the Iron Throne.

Cersei's outward distain and manipulation doesn't hold a candle to the utter mind control Lady Margaery has crafted over the King. As was laid out in this week's episode, Lady Olenna, (played gloriously by Diana Rigg) clearly has taught her granddaughter from her own bag of tricks. Just when I was ready to put money on Daenerys Targaryen's newly formed army and her dragons as frontrunner to reclaim the throne the Tyrell’s, led by Lady Olenna's uncanny ability to call a spade a spade in a landscape of double speak just may be the most formidable of the families. Margaery's chameleon tactics with Joffery have aligned her not only to rise to her true ambitions but to actually pull the strings when she lands there.  
 
Much has been said of Season 1 and 2 focusing in on women's use of sexuality to gain power. We see it in Daenerys early on with Khal Drogo and the strategy of Ros to make her way to a seat of information through prostitution. I think season 3 has expanded their storytelling in a way that provides a broader landscape for these women. Sex, like money is a means to an end when seeking power. For women in the Realm their sexuality provides a pathway to overcome the fact that they have few entitlements and little authority. It is merely a mechanism to use their intelligence and calculate advancing their causes.

That thought leads me to Brienne of Tarth. Brienne is the antitheses of the vast majority of women we have seen navigate this show. Only since coming in contact with the Kingslayer have we seen the true isolation Brienne's fate has carved out for her. Brienne is a soul caught in between a world she doesn't belong to and a world she isn't accepted in. Brienne's isolation is what makes her character's relationship to Jamie so compelling. As we watch the breakdown of the handsome, cocky Kingslayer we are also offered the true strength and humanity of Brienne being born. In an odd way she actually parallels Sansa's plight in Kings Landing. For the record, while some have written Sansa off, I think she is just as much a survivor as her sister Arya and in a structure where she's had no true allies. 

Finally there is Arya Stark whose courage and survival skills have served her extremely well over the last season and a half. She is fearless to the point of careless (an attribute born as much in her youth as it is her circumstance). Yet in spite of that she is hampered and driven by the desire to avenge her father’s death. Ayra’s smarts and natural tendency for defiance are clear from the beginning of the series. The first time we see her she is showing up her brother in archery. This tenacity is rewarded by her father with a fight coach in Kings Landing. Unlike Brienne, Ayra was treasured and respected by her father for who she actually was and that love is what drives her thirst for vengeance. However in the quiet moments like this past week when she genuinely asks if the dark magic can bring her father back we, as the audience are slapped in the face with the reminder that Ayra is truly a young girl completely stripped of her innocence and isolated, yet somehow destined for greatness.

It does not hurt that the show has done well in casting actors to play these roles. All of them in their own rights breathe new life and intrigue to their characters, where I find myself rooting for them in spite of the knowledge that most of the plotting is often to an evil purpose. I for one am vested in the road they are travelling for however long HBO sees fit to let us take a peek.

Which house do you choose?