Dear Jane, Xiomara and Alba -
I've started separate letters to each of you at some point over the last four months. I finally realized as unique and inspiring each of you are it is what you represent together that makes you poderosas (powerful). So it is only fitting that a letter like this should simply be written to the Villanueva women. All bright in their own right, but whose illumination comes from what they bring out in each other.
Growing up I had the good fortune to be surrounded by women like Alba. Strong minded, smart and loyal women whose purpose centered on those they loved most. Family is what drove their decision making and ensuring their protection as they navigated life. Alba you are no different than my Tias and my own grandmother. Through faith and wisdom you guide. You are quick to speak your mind and willing to stand tall when others would undercut those values for convenience. You instill pride of conviction and you embody the voice I sense in my gut and whispering in my ear when life brings me to a crossroads and the choices seem bleak. When you watch over Jane and Xiomara it is a sturdy loving shoulder to lean on. You may disagree or disapprove but never in a way that dismisses them out of hand, because you too have regrets. It is an anchor to a family filled with dreams, whether they are the far reaching of Xiomara or the carefully planned ones of Jane.
Xiomara, you represent for me the parent I continue to aspire to be. You are selfless without sacrificing your identity. You are brave, not because of your choices to become a young parent or to pursue a dream most would shy away from, but because your fears don't define you. Your fears are merely a pathway to your vulnerability. You know intrinsically that to be a parent means protecting your child and absorbing the costs through others misconceptions of who you truly are. You show up for your daughter with sympathy and a mirror that honestly reflects what is happening as opposed to what she may have laid out in her mind. The importance of never sharing with Jane or Alba the truth behind Milkshake isn't just about your willingness to do anything for your child. It was understanding that it didn't matter how the world looks at you. People, strangers will make determinations about you for how you look, talk, and act. But only you can define your self worth, because only you know the truth that leads you to the choices you make. This choice for you reinforced that you are a good mother. At a time when outside opinions from advice columns to blogs across the internet undermine confidence and self belief you remind me that the only validation you need is knowing you did what was best for your child.
And Jane, you are a hero. You are a hero because you lead from a place of integrity and honesty. Your capacity to say the things that speak to the darkest corners of our fears is brave beyond measure. When you accidentally set fire in your room and confessed to Alba how the overwhelming reality had hit that you were going to be a single parent and didn't see it coming, you gave voice to an entire host of us who love our children deeply but at times find ourselves in a vortex feeling as though life has pulled the rug out from under us in a way that we need to constantly prove we can remain standing. Your ability to take ownership of defining yourself in a world that wants to define you through limitations embodies everything I want to tell my younger self to hold on to and ingrain in the child I am raising now.
I grew up straddling two worlds. To a lesser degree I now watch my daughter navigate a similar reality as the world around her tries to define her value and worth just as she is learning to define it for herself. I have watched the bond that the three of you hold. The generational wisdom, the strength you gain from one another's unconditional love and the loyalty and confidence you command as a result of each others transparency be it through Alba's faith, Xiomara's passion or Jane's pragmatism. You lift up and protect each other's dignity at a time and in situations that would easily pass judgement. You remind me the pride of my heritage and the legacy that lies within immigrant families is one of fortitude. It is a love that transcends circumstance and disappointment. A strength and a power that energizes me as a daughter, a mother and a Latina.
Yes, you Villanueva women may not have a long legacy of storytelling some of the characters who influenced me over the years had. However, in one short year you have given me the unique voice of my childhood, a prism as a parent that reflects and respects my own and brought humor and dignity to my lived experiences as a Puerto Rican woman. It's a dialogue long missing from the television landscape. I am so deeply appreciative of how colorfully you have filled it.
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